Eustice

[Iluvatar]

Eustice

Always running
nowhere to go
get in the way,
nothing to show
through the motions
mangled emotions
false pride
a fool's hide
other's work
your ride

Never ceasing
always shouting
saying nothing
only mouthing.
splintering good
you smashed like wood
The fool's true mark:
can't stand Whiter,
loose the dragon
bring the lighter.

Hiding in caves
creating waves
in stone
Following friends
to whatever ends
alone

[KevinBrowning]

It seems to be describing someone who feels like he is a slave to others' expectations, and lonely even when he is not alone. Catchy rhyme scheme.

[Iluvatar]

Well, this was an experiment. I didn't really get my point out as well as I hoped, but this is one of my too few forays away from my standard rhyme scheme.

[cubfan1937]

I guess It must be doing what it is intended, if I get it. Let me try.

Alone
THe tone of the phone is unknown.
I'm sitting around like a stone,
Alone.

[FruitandNut]

The omniscient observer expressing Eustace's confusion of identity and purpose?
(I recall a cartoon character called 'Useless Eustice' from my childhood.)

Your reference to 'loose the dragon bring the lighter'. Reminds me of watching Hong Kong dockers 'chasing the dragon', while they squatted down between a loading bay and a pile of crates.

[Iluvatar]

Reminds me of watching Hong Kong dockers 'chasing the dragon', while they squatted down between a loading bay and a pile of crates. Ah yes, I too remember fondly my days as a young boy among the docks of japan. ;) The dragon was inspired by a song I was listening to, but has no connection to this. The line has a meaning of it's own in relation to the poem, but also a slightly different one to the title.

To be honest, I was trying to describe certain type of person. I'll give you an example:

I often play a game called Starcraft (Best game ever created, until WoW). I once met a guy in this game, and played a game with him and several other people. This player waited until we were making good progress (It was a cooperative game), then sabotaged it. He deliberately attacked his own teammates, and destroyed their chance at winning. He gave no reason, and attempted no justification. When I played this game again, with many of the same people, he followed us, under a different name, and repeated his performance. And then again, and again. This person spent over an hour of his free time, with nothing to gain, simply to ruin 4 other people's experience. He gave of himself, in order to take from others. I simply cannot fathom this sort of person. Words spring to mind; Malicious, Malevolent. He wasn't angry, or frustrated, or anything. He simply seemed to draw pleasure from causing the suffering of others.

This sort of person bespeaks an evil far worse than it would seem. It makes an honest thieve seem the angel. The thief mugs you, leaves you for dead, but he has a reason. Simple, wholesome (by comparison) greed. The murderer wants revenge, or material possessions, the rapists wants power or sex. The terrorist thinks he works for a just cause. Men like the player, though, scare the hell out of me, as they ruin what they can with nothing to gain from it. This poem was my attempt to explain this sort of person, to show why they do what they do.

[vance101]

Ah, so your trying to get the tied up style of yours a bit looser eh? Good job =)

[FruitandNut]

The carousel of reasoning, justification and purpose? The crazy mixed up world in microcosm

[AuspiciousFist]

loose the dragon
bring the lighter.


I really liked those lines, especially the last one, it really finishes the stanza nicely.

as far as clarity, I think you got the description across very well, I might consider redrafting the last stanza, (to me at least) it alters the rhythm a little too drastically.