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Xanadu Moo
March 14th, 2006, 03:28 PM
<?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" /><st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Hollywood has been in a prolonged slump for several years, having to rely on countless mock-ups of TV shows, being made into full-length movies (Bewitched, Dukes of Hazzard, Charlie’s Angels, Starsky & Hutch, Beverly Hillbillies, Addams Family, Little Rascals, Incredible Hulk, Brady Bunch, Flintstones, Wild Wild West, Dragnet, X-Files, Lost in Space, The Odd Couple, Inspector Gadget, Scooby-Doo, etc.). So here are a few more predictions as to what’s in store...<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
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Jake and the Fatman, The Movie<o:p></o:p>
Jake once again gets mistaken for the Fatman when a contract is out on the him by Blake & the Hitman, and William Conrad is chased through the streets of Spanish Harlem until he ultimately stumbles upon his identical twin, Cannon. Jack Klugman does autopsies at the end.<o:p></o:p>
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Mannix, The Movie<o:p></o:p>
Mannix keeps bumping into other crimestoppers who beat him to the punch, such as Jack Friday, McCloud, Hunter, Petrocelli, and Chris Matthews. A curious subplot has Jay Leno playing all the various street vendors while reciting "Mammy" in Portuguese.
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Simon and Simon, The Movie<o:p></o:p>
The Simons try to get Starsky & Hutch out of prison by giving them Gerald McRaney mustaches to use as disguises. They are sentenced en masse as people who can't act, and get 20 to life.<o:p></o:p>
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The Carol Burnett Show, The Movie<o:p></o:p>
Carol (played by Dr. Ruth) stands on stage and takes questions from the audience, of which one is a terrorist, but luckily Wesley Snipes is also in attendance, and together he and Dorf pummel the terrorist into submission just as Ms. Burnett tugs on her erogenous zone ear to conclude the story.<o:p></o:p>
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Coach, The Movie<o:p></o:p>
For ninety minutes, Jerry Van Dyke tells one-liners until everyone on the set goes into self-induced comas. <o:p></o:p>
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The Waltons, The Movie<o:p></o:p>
John Boy, Jim Bob and cousin Sam lead a violent feud against the neighboring Kmart family, and in the end no one is left standing, as the blue lights of patrol cars flash all over the crime scene.<o:p></o:p>
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Baretta, The Movie<o:p></o:p>
Robert Blake solves the case of a husband who happened to leave his wife in a car just at the moment she got killed. He ultimately gets himself convicted, but then is let off due to a conflict of interests. New theme song of "Keep Your Eye on the Defendant." Carrie Fisher stars as Princess Leia. <o:p></o:p>
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T.J. Hooker, The Movie <o:p></o:p>
Hooker has flashbacks of being abducted in an alien spaceship by mysterious creatures with pointy ears.

The Drew Carey Show, The Movie
Drew gets lost in his lines and can never stay in character, and then spends the last hour of the movie sitting on the couch watching reruns of his TV show.
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Diff'rent Strokes, The Movie<o:p></o:p>
The entire cast goes into rehab, and Jack Nicholson makes a guest appearance flying over the cuckoo's nest with them.<o:p></o:p>
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Leave it to Beaver, The Movie<o:p></o:p>
Keanu Reeves (as the Beaver) and Wally (played by Howie Mandel lip-synching to Tony Dow's voice) get into trouble with Lumpy (played by the ghost of John Belushi's pet iguana), and Barbara Billingsley doubles as the member of a SWAT team that saves the day.

CSI, The Movie
Investigators analyze a mysterious food poisoning throug most of the movie, until it's finally discovered to be Yellow No. 5 from someone's shampoo. Then they spend the last half of the movie figuring out how shampoo got in somebody's food.
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Family Ties, The Movie<o:p></o:p>
Michael J. Fox searches for intelligent life in Mallory's brain and discovers that she is an android. Shirley Maclaine stars as the long lost Keaton.<o:p></o:p>
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The Cosby Show, The Movie<o:p></o:p>
Since Rudy is the only one still alive after an unusual virus kills off the Huxtables one by one, she brings her Fear Factor friends over for a slumber party.

Law & Order, The Movie
Attorneys hearken back to their days in law school when they used to practice saying "Objection" in various foreign accents, such as those of Inspect Klouseau, John Cleese, and Zsa Zsa Gabor.
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Friends, The Movie<o:p></o:p>
Jennifer Aniston's character (played by Ashley and/or Kate) and David Schwimmer's character (with a guest appearance as himself) and Courtney Cox's character (played by Telly Savalas) get lost in their apartment and have to be rescued by microbes from the planet Zeebop.<o:p></o:p>
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The Wonder Years, The Movie<o:p></o:p>
Daniel Stern narrates us through a maze of twists and turns that takes us nowhere and ultimately annoys everyone with his snarl. In the end, the entire cast finds Stern standing behind a curtain and they all pelt him with rocks and garbage.

Late Night With Conan O'Brien, The Movie
Conan reunites with his long lost brother, Conan the Barbarian, and they pair up to take over Manhattan.
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The Facts of Life, The Movie<o:p></o:p>
Blair and Jo get in a drawn-out mud wrestling battle. Mindy Cohn is waiting to take on the winner, and then it gets really ugly after that. Another follow-up, The Facts of Life: Smackdown, is already in the works.<o:p></o:p>
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Webster, The Movie<o:p></o:p>
Webster, now up to 3-foot-7, tries out for the Harlem Globetrotters but is mistaken for the ball and gets dunked, and then sues the Globetrotters in a vicious off-court court battle. Gary Coleman stars as Webster's attorney.

Full House, The Movie
Kate and Ashley spend all day getting stoned and saying funny 3-year-old lines with their cardboard personalities, having no clue what it is they just said. It is later revealed by their evil step-triplet that they were named after the streets Haight and Ashbury, when their father was drunk and spent the night under a cable car.

Turtleflipper
March 15th, 2006, 08:02 PM
What about one where satan comes to earth, and everyone tries to fight him, but they can't, because he's really big. Then a power ranger skinnes his knee. And gets eaten by an eagle.

Snoop
March 16th, 2006, 02:56 PM
What about one where satan comes to earth, and everyone tries to fight him, but they can't, because he's really big. Then a power ranger skinnes his knee. And gets eaten by an eagle.You're not funny.

Here's a couple off the top of my head:

Monday Night Football - the Movie - the game never ends. The announcers die of old age and are replaced every so often.

Fox News - the Movie - Bill O'rly marries Greta Van Cistern and produce a child that murders Geraldo Rivera.

southernbelle
March 20th, 2006, 06:29 PM
Lost- the movie-- everybody gets rescued..we still don't know what's up with that island...shortest movie in history..lapse..5 mins.

American Idol-the movie--theaters equipped with voting devices, as contestants are voted off, they are made to walk the plank! Winner gets to decided if sharks are thrown into the pool with losers. Longest movie in history..lapse..307 hours.

Desperate Housewives-the movie--who are we kidding? who cares enough to actually see this movie??

Andacanavar
March 23rd, 2006, 07:45 AM
How about That 70's Porno?

Come on. Who doesn't want to see Kelso and Forman get it on?