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Thread: After Abortion

  1. #1
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    After Abortion

    I would like to hear from anyone who has had an abortion. Without getting too personal, I would like to know why you chose abortion? Did you receive counseling(from who or what organization)? Do you feel both sides of the issue was presented to you? How many abortions have you had? How old were you?

    I espicially want to know how do you feel about your choice to abort today? Please be honest. I am pro-life but I believe I understand how abortion can seem like a good choice.

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    I have never had one, My 3 best friends have.One refuses to talk about it ever. The second one mourns the choice every day, and feels she has been punished over and over agin for the choice.She was 18. It happened the 1st time she ever had sex or even kissed for that matter.She says every Christmas she thinks about how old her child would be now. I know she thinks of it often.She has had 3 miscarriages (not as a result from the abortion) But she has never healed.She regrets it and there are days she just won't get out of bed, or times she drinks too much, I know what she's thinking about.
    The other one says, it's the worst thing she has ever done, she can't understand how a woman could have more than one (we know one that has had 5) esp after the 1st.She still feels it was the right choice.. She says she wouldn't do it again,Given the choice again, but she still has to stick by the choice she made.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sam
    I espicially want to know how do you feel about your choice to abort today? Please be honest. I am pro-life but I believe I understand how abortion can seem like a good choice.

    When my brother was 14 he got his 14 year old girlfriend pregnant and that resulted in an abortion. He mourns that decision often. Often coming to tears and has turned to booze and drugs....and it has been 16 years.

    The girl has also since turned to drugs and lives a criminal life to support that habit today. They are both pained by that decision. A decsion they both feel their parents forced on them. My father is now dying of cancer, and although he won't talk about it, that decision to press for an abortion upsets him greatly particularly now that he is facing his own end.

    I think many people who suffer pain from their decision still try to rationalize theiri choice, rather than face the fact they chose to take a human life -- for what is almost always -- selfish reasons when viewed in the grand scheme of things.

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    Abortion

    Quote Originally Posted by Spartacus
    When my brother was 14 he got his 14 year old girlfriend pregnant and that resulted in an abortion. He mourns that decision often. Often coming to tears and has turned to booze and drugs....and it has been 16 years.

    The girl has also since turned to drugs and lives a criminal life to support that habit today. They are both pained by that decision. A decsion they both feel their parents forced on them. My father is now dying of cancer, and although he won't talk about it, that decision to press for an abortion upsets him greatly particularly now that he is facing his own end.

    I think many people who suffer pain from their decision still try to rationalize theiri choice, rather than face the fact they chose to take a human life -- for what is almost always -- selfish reasons when viewed in the grand scheme of things.
    Abortion is legalized murder. But noyt to the liberals.
    Paul

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    Abortion is legalized murder. But noyt to the liberals.
    I am rather annoyed with the many conservatives who simply spout out things like that. If you want to engage in a debate ont he subject, do so, don't just accuse the opposing view, and leave it at that. If you want to show that you are pro-life, then give a sound arguement, not an immature statement like that. Besides, this isn't the really a debate on abortion, this seems to be simply a request for personal experience.

    I knew 2 people who had abortions closely, and another I knew, but not closely. Of the two, one is now a proud mother (3 kids), and still believes she made the riight choice. She has a good career, and can support all her children well. She says that if she had continued the first pregnancy (when she was 16), her life would have been much worse. She had anylised what a baby would do to her life when she was pregnant, and determind it would have ruined it. She wouldn't have been able to have or support her 3 other children, nor gotten her sucessful career. She regrets the original mistake, but agrees with her decision.

    The other is similar, but never got pregnant again. She leads a relatively normal life, and regrets having to have an abortion, but not the abortion itself.

    A decsion they both feel their parents forced on them.
    That is not a decision that a parent should make for the mother. That is one of the most common causes of abortion regret. If a mother wants to keep the child, than no one should be able to stop her.

    we know one that has had 5
    The one I knew, buyt not closely, had 4. The first time I support a woman's right to choice, but 2 or more is careless and horribly immoral. When you do it to protect your own life, as with my first friend, that's understandable, but afterwards, you are forwarned, and a second unwanted pregnancy is inexcusable.
    -=]Iluvatar[=-
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spartacus
    When my brother was 14 he got his 14 year old girlfriend pregnant and that resulted in an abortion. He mourns that decision often. Often coming to tears and has turned to booze and drugs....and it has been 16 years.

    The girl has also since turned to drugs and lives a criminal life to support that habit today. They are both pained by that decision. A decsion they both feel their parents forced on them.
    You know, there's a bigger picture to abortion than the decision and act. I suspect some people just don't have the emotional maturity to be parents. I don't know your brother or his girlfriend, but I wonder if they have turned to drugs and such a life just what effect this would have borne on the child. I have a friend whose son and his wife sound similar, and both are in prison. My friend has custody of one grandchild, and the other grandparents have the other kids. My friend is not a good parent in many ways, but at least a better alternative. She is angry and displaces her anger on her grandson, and she doesn't know better.

    I like the kid, and see that he has the potential to do great things in his life, if he has the luck, or guidance.

    I think abortion is a terrible waste, immoral, and has been testified to, a mark that impacts lives for years. Yet, I don't think all human beings have the wisdom or maturity to live responsibly just yet, and abortion is a means to deal with irresponsible sexual behavior, and immature behavior in many other ways. As much as I dislike it, I don't think we as a species can do away with it just yet.
    Just another hostile non-theist.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Iluvatar

    I knew 2 people who had abortions closely, and another I knew, but not closely. Of the two, one is now a proud mother (3 kids), and still believes she made the riight choice. She has a good career, and can support all her children well. She says that if she had continued the first pregnancy (when she was 16), her life would have been much worse.
    And now her first offspring has no life.....Again career, education, material things-- these are all selfish reasons to have an abortion and kill a devloping human.

    What Pro-abortion people seem to always forget is that adoption is still legal in this country.

    In January my sister gave a baby up for adoption...the baby is healthy and fine, and has two loving parents....now she could have been selfish and had the human killed when it was still inside her...but instead she went through pregancy and birth, and no human was killed.

    And anyone saying..."well what if the mother just can't stand to give the kid up?" so the better answer is to kill it?

    ALSO....how can it be moral to do something once or even twice...but immoral to do it more than twice? Talk about situational rationalization where ethics are involved.

    How can one debate abortion when a number of people here decry the killing of infant girls in parts of the world...but appalud aboprtions done for the same reason in the same parts of the world?....Some of you people really need to examine your consciences, and thought processes where morals and ethics are concerned.

    Also, in order for a woman to realize abortion is wrong, once she has had one...she must also come to realize, understand and accept that she created and then killed a human life -- that is a tough pill for a person to swallow. Many post-abortion women will never come to accept this fact.

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    How can one debate abortion when a number of people here decry the killing of infant girls in parts of the world...but appalud aboprtions done for the same reason in the same parts of the world?
    Murder of an infant and abortion are NOT one in the same. However, that is not appropriate subject material for this thread. To reiterate Iluvatar's post # 5, the subject of this thread seems to be the aftereffects of abortion, not our opinions of the practice. If anyone wishes to further debate the topic of abortion itself, please either do so in one of the threads we already have, or create a new one.
    Judge of a man by his questions rather than by his answers.--Voltaire

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    I appreciate everyone's input. I hope more will continue to do so. I am not debating whether abortion is OK here. Please just give me some real life situations. Be honest. I want to know deep down feelings. I have never had an abortion. I want to hear first hand from women who have.

  10. #10
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    Well, I'm not a woman. But I did have a personal experience with a young lady when I was a much younger (and just a bit more foolish than I presently am), I was dating a woman. We both understood that it was simply a sexual relationship that was not going anywhere other than the bedroom.

    She did get pregnant, she was using the pill and being a young foolish man I never used a condom. Once she told me that she was pregnant our relationship changed. (no sex) She made it very clear to me that she was going to get an abortion. At that time in my life I did not spend a lot of time thinking of the isssue of abortion, though I may have caused more that I was never made aware of.

    I wanted to discuss having the baby with her but she was adamant. In fact, as far as anything practical was concerned, she did not even wish to talk to me anymore. (we did work in a bar/restaurant together).

    The only relative discussion we did have is when she asked me to pay for half of the abortion. I wanted to talk to her about it. I wanted to tell her that even though I would not get married, even though neither of us was planning to be a parent, that I would surely help raise the child and not just financially. I think she knew all that though. The real truth as far as I can read it, was that she did not wish to be a parent, or carry the baby to birth, or quite frankly, did not want an ongoing relationship with me. One look at me then and any woman with a functioning brain could see I was not marriage material.

    I did give her the money she asked for. She made it clear that if I didn't she would do whatever it takes to get the abortion. The last I heard of her she had moved to Phoenix and was doing lap dances in a nudie bar.

    I can't say how the abortion affected her emotionally, however she turned her "wild" dial up a full notch in the following months.

    I did just the opposite. It made me realize that even when dating but not commiting there were none the less, responsibilities that came with that.

    I don't know what became of her nor how having an abortion affected her life. I can say though, that almost 25 years later, I still think of it often and ponder as to the ramifications it caused for both of us. On my part, though not immediately, it caused me to change my lifestyle considerably because it made me realize, that committed or not, there are indeed commitments that come with ANY sexual relationship between a man and a woman........................................:O)
    When the power of love becomes stronger than the love of power, there will be peace..........jimi hendrix.

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    I never had such an experience, though I know several women who have.

    The one that sticks out in my mind the most is this one. When I was in college, barely believing in God and being adamantly against Catholicism, I met a Catholic girl who changed my life in many ways. I met her in January at the beginning of the spring semester. She was an Italian New Jersey girl. She had long, curly black hair, she was very pretty, stood out in a crowd, she was giggly, beaming, happy, there was something very special about her personality. She had many, many friends, was easily accepted into a sorority, and had a very promising future. We hung out all spring semester and became very close. She educated me on the Catholic religion and actually helped to plant the initial seed that brought me to it.

    (She asked me quite simply to recite the St. Therese Little Flower prayer, in which I prayed for guidance. And my prayer was granted. Some 10 years later, and I have finally become a Catholic.)

    However, toward the end of the spring semester, she came to me one day very distraught. She had a boyfriend back home. As often happens in long distance relationships, she wanted to break up with him. He came out to visit her that weekend, and she did break up with him. However, they had one last intimate encounter that weekend, in which the condom broke. They had sex many times, always using a condom, and the condom never once broke. It just so happened that this one last time, it did.

    She came to me a couple weeks later, and in strictest confidence informed me she was pregnant. She trusted no one else with the information. I knew she was Catholic, and I knew the Catholic belief on abortion, even though I was not Catholic, or even a theist, at the time. I had a lot of responsibility as I knew she trusted my opinion greatly.

    I told her that the decision was ultimately hers, reminded her of her commitment to her church as she was very involved in her religion, suggested she pray hard for guidance, suggested she tell her mother, suggested she not tell her boyfriend, reminded her of all her options, and tried to show her how keeping the baby wouldn't be an impossible task, and I promised to support her no matter what she chose.

    She told me she wanted an abortion, but that she wanted it before there was a heartbeat because if there was a heartbeat, she didn't think she could go through with it. She felt that life began with a heartbeat. Basically, had she decided to have the baby, she would have been forced back into a relationship she didn't want to be in and she'd have to essentially give up the hope of a promising career as a special education teacher. She didn't feel she could adequately handle the responsibilty of a child at the time, and that if she carried the baby to term, she wouldn't have the strength to give it up for adoption.

    She was also a product of a stereotypical Catholic family where appearances are everything. To have an unwed pregnant daughter would not be acceptable.

    So, she went through with the abortion. She told her mother, but she was the only other person besides me to ever know. She didn't tell her ex-boyfriend either, which was a difficult decision for her to make as well.

    I have not seen her since my last year of college. I often wonder how she is dealing with the repercussions of that decision now, especially since she valued her Catholic upbringing so greatly. I can't say that I agree with her decision, but knowing her as well as I did, I understand fully how she felt she had no other choice to make, and how she perceived that a baby would ruin her life.

    Though, I'm sure that if she was watching her 11 year old son or daughter playing a baseball or soccer game today, she wouldn't feel her life was ruined, but rather that it was all the better for it.
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    I'm not criticizing your friend here at all HL, but it's a good thing she's not a member here. Considering she broke about every Catholic rule on premarital sex, some folks on here would have a field day with this.

    I hope everything worked out for her.
    Cranky old guy.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Warmonger
    I'm not criticizing your friend here at all HL, but it's a good thing she's not a member here. Considering she broke about every Catholic rule on premarital sex, some folks on here would have a field day with this.

    I hope everything worked out for her.
    Oh, I know. Now that I am Catholic, I can't believe she went through with it, considering how immersed she was in her religion. (Not like I'm a perfect Catholic either, cohabitating with a still technically married man and all.) But abortion is a biggie. I couldn't have done it whether I was Catholic or not.
    Souls of the animal kingdom: eagle, fox, bottle-nose dolphin, octopus, house cat. Okay, let's jump this jump. -- Rod Kimble

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    I believe that any decision to Abort a child from a Mother stems from a Man failing to take on the responsibility. I'm sure there are a few but the Natural instinct of a woman is to Love and Mother children. I also believe that any Woman out there who has had an abortion will always be scarred by the event and will be saddened by that. It must be a terrible weight to bear for the woman. My Heart goes out to these women that are faced with this decision. I'm certain that if there was a father against it, her decision would be different. I have 2 children (Thank God) and I am responsible for 2 abortions. (God please Forgive me). You can see the delima one faces when they are against Abortion but also responsible for them. No Mother today has to keep her baby. There are more people willing to adopt than there are babies available. I believe the pain that a mother will endure from giving up her baby would be less than what would be felt aborting the baby. I would encourage anybody if faced with the decision or if a friend is facing the decision to support life. It is a gift from God that should not be interrupted. As I have said before, I will have to answer for my own choices as a man, and believe that only because of the Grace of God, and Blood of Jesus that I even have a chance of being forgiven. I hope I haven't offended anybody and have helped somebody.
    Mike

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    Well here I would have to disagree, especially because my own mother had several abortions before I was born. The reason was that my parents only wanted two children. It's not always because of a man, sometimes it's the woman. Or even the mother's parents pressuring her. There are many different situations in which an abortion is thought necessary, such as with rape. A friend of a friend of mine was raped and fell pregnant, and had to abort the baby to avoid the painful situation.

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    I find your reply intriguing. You state that your parents reason was that they only wanted 2 children but had several abortions before you were born. This does not make sense. If they only wanted two then why didn't the abortions start after you were born. As I said my Heart goes out to any woman faced with this decision. A woman who has been raped has enough grief to deal with. Why compound the rest of her life with grief of an abortion on top of it. Question: Your mother told you she had several abortions before you were born?
    Mike

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    Quote Originally Posted by mustang5
    As I said my Heart goes out to any woman faced with this decision. A woman who has been raped has enough grief to deal with. Why compound the rest of her life with grief of an abortion on top of it.
    I agree with this comment. However, what if it was, say, a 12 year old girl who had been raped and became pregnant as a result, and carrying the baby to term would put her life in great danger. Then what?
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    Thanks for the agreement. In the case of the 12 year old, whose life is in danger. The 12 year olds life comes first. You pose a pretty tricky scenario. However I feel the true christian has justification in preserving the life of their children. In our society if the childs life was in danger, the hospitals and courts would probably take over and perform the abortion.
    Mike

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    There are many woman that are raped and go through with the pregnancy and raise the child or give it up for adoption.I will never forget this one episode of Oprah.On stage sat a white family, holding this adorable black baby.It turned out the mother was raped by a black man.The rapist was arrested.The family was against abortion, so they knew she would have the child, but the father decided he loved his wife so much he couldn't stand parting with a child that is still part of his wife. The wife was relieved.She still felt the child was hers. Before seeing this show, I could have never imagined a woman feeling this way about a child from rape. But also now knowing and having the fertility/pregnancy struggles I have I totally get where they are coming from.
    I have little doubt if I were to get pregnant from rape, my husband would want to abort the pregnancy.I couldn't blame him for those feelings..I'm just not sure I could go through with it.The baby is still my child.However, I could also understand a woman not wanting to live with a child that carried DNA from a man that raped her.
    It's what youre able to live with that will influence your choice. I know too many woman that live with "What if's" and "what could have beens."
    I also know too many other woman that don't give it a second thought.I personally know a wealthy married couple that aborted 5 pregnancies.The mother had 3 children from previous relationships.Her husband adopted her youngest daughter.Her husband REALLY wanted children, she aborted 3 pregnancies during a period where they were actually "trying", she just changed her mind.Her last abortion was only a few months before the pregnancy she decided to keep.In the meantime, here I sit popping clomid & progesterone,Getting stuck with needles, having monthly tests, going broke trying anything and everything. Browsing adoption sites so I have a back up plan.Those woman are a real punch in the heart, for woman like me.I can't stand when women use abortion as a form of birth control, or when religion teaches us birth control is evil,causing soo many people to secretly end a pregnancy that could have been prevented. Which is the lesser of 2 evils here?

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    Quote Originally Posted by mustang5
    I find your reply intriguing. You state that your parents reason was that they only wanted 2 children but had several abortions before you were born. This does not make sense. If they only wanted two then why didn't the abortions start after you were born. As I said my Heart goes out to any woman faced with this decision. A woman who has been raped has enough grief to deal with. Why compound the rest of her life with grief of an abortion on top of it. Question: Your mother told you she had several abortions before you were born?
    I already had two siblings before I was born, I was very nearly aborted myself...But there's a very long story behind that one, and it's irrelevant. My mother did indeed tell me she had several abortions before I was born, as well as several miscarriages. What is your point? A woman who has been raped does have enough grief to deal with, so why would she want to live with that grief in a human embodiment? Whether or not she put it up for adoption, it would still be a living reminder of something she would rather forget. Not to mention, how would she explain it to the child?

 

 
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