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  1. #1
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    Bullying: Guys or Girls, whose got it worse?

    I want to know the opinion of EVERYONE out there, who do you think has it worse when it comes to bullying? Do you think it's worse when boys physically bully eachother or, do girls get it worse by emotional bullying? Which leaves a bigger scar and why? Let's hear those opinions!

  2. #2
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    Re: Bullying: Guys or Girls, whose got it worse?

    This is a tough question to answer. It seems to me that bullting amongst boys usually involves more physical harassment, whereas with girls it is more about gossip, verbal cruelty, etc. So its basically physical damage vs. emotional damage, in my mind.

    I personally believe that girls have it worse. The physical damage of bullying, so long as it is not taken to the extreme, is largely temporary, while the psychological/emotional damage can ruin a person's life.

    I guess its a matter of preference, in a way.
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  3. #3
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    Re: Bullying: Guys or Girls, whose got it worse?

    Probably girls, since most men are cyborgs when it comes to tender emotions they can hand out emotional abuse without even meaning to do it.

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    Re: Bullying: Guys or Girls, whose got it worse?

    I feel that emtee10 has a good point but one must also remember that physical bullying can also leave permanent emotional damage for boys too. So it's not just physical vs. emotional, it's physical + possible emotional vs. emotional

  5. #5
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    Re: Bullying: Guys or Girls, whose got it worse?

    Goog point NJDN64, though that's one awkward name you've got.

    Another aspect of bullying is that kids are often pushed into the role by other kids, meaning the bully is, or can be, a form of victim themselves. That may not seem obvious but it's male bullying that is normally punished, which can lead to be expelled from school or worse.

    In contrast female bullys can often get away with it and continue to do so throughout adulthood, including the workplace. Few men threaten to beat smaller men outside work if they dont hand over their credit card at lunchtime but female bullying continues with little change.

    Also I've never come across a bullied girl who had real emotional trauma over her identity as "a woman" but a boy can carry the stigma of not being "a man" for years. That can result in explosive rage further down the road, again getting him in trouble, even the death penalty.

    Now add in the fact that boys are often picked on by both other boys and girls, doubling thier chances of abuse. If a girl picks on a boy, other girls tend to root for her and call her "brave" whilst other boys will laugh at the boy or join in the bullying.

    Contrast that to what happens if a boy picks on a girl.

    Overall, if one can drop the "Wimmin are wictims" mindset, I'd said it's very clear that boys get it a lot worse.


    P.

  6. #6
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    Re: Bullying: Guys or Girls, whose got it worse?

    Hey, njd happens to be my initials! Anyways, i'm glad to see people taking interest into this thread because I feel it is a very important issue. Well, I will not state my full opinion yet because I would like peopel to share theirs first but I'd be happy to refute you a little now. Firstly, girls can have huge emotional truama over bullying. For instance, I myself know someone who developed anerexia because of bullying they had been under pressure from the girls arround her. Now I know this will definately have reprecussions on her in her life as already even though she has recovered, she doesn't eat very much and it's clearly evident. Secondly boys also do pick on girls and sometimes it can be whole classes (at the elemtary school level) excluding single people sending boys and girls into councelling. Well anyways, I hope other people can add to what I've said and thanks for the input

  7. #7
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    Re: Bullying: Guys or Girls, whose got it worse?

    Yes, boys CAN pick on girls but not in the same physical way they do boys. Generally there will be plenty of boys to show how macho they are by standing up for the damsel, whilst other girls will often be keen to let it be known how they disapprove.

    You said "I myself know someone who developed anerexia because of bullying they had been under pressure from the girls arround her"

    Well I've known a number of guys suffer serious injury from steroids, excessive weightlifting and sports for the exact same reason.

    More men die evey year from steroid abuse than women die from anerexia.

    For the fun of it I did a quick search for 'steroid abuse death', here's the first result. Spot the bias.

    "Abusing anabolic steroids is turning into a major health problem, and is now creating a serious risk, especially to our nation's youth. Young people and adults take them in large doses to enhance physical performance and improve their body image. Even though young people may take them with good intentions, these are powerful and harmful drugs."
    http://www.hormone.org/learn/abuse_1.html

    For "young people" read young males. This page talks much of the sheer damage, especially long term, that steroids can do. Now dig THIS bit..

    "For young women, "body image" is a powerful motivator, often based on inappropriate entertainment and media models."

    Well what the HECK do they think boys take this stuff for!!?!!!??!

    The same page states "As many as 6.5% (or one out of fifteen) of adolescent boys and 1.9% of girls reported using these steroid drugs without a prescription."

    Hello? Anyone home?

    So boys are using this stuff at a rate in excess of THREE TIMES the girl's usage but it's girls who have the emotional problems, right?

    Boys dont have problems, boys just suck it up like men. Or else.

    So you can add that to the list, boys don't get sympathy when picked on, girls do.


    P.

  8. #8
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    Re: Bullying: Guys or Girls, whose got it worse?

    I was wondering when you'd step into the phone booth and come back out as super-masculist. Congratulations on going two posts without mentioning feminists or bashing them.

    Seriously, though, you've brought up some good points. As a boy who got bullied and a young man who did some bullying, I can attest from personal experience that it was all learned behavior. No, I'm not abdicating responsibility for my actions. I bullied kids of my own free will. I am simply explaining my motivations.

  9. #9
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    Re: Bullying: Guys or Girls, whose got it worse?

    *reverts to civilian clothing*



    Another point, boys are expected to make the move sexually/dating etc. Get seen being rejected and a world of pain awaits.

    In contrast girls get kudos for publicly rejecting.

    It's a sick, sick world.


    P.

  10. #10
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    Re: Bullying: Guys or Girls, whose got it worse?

    As a little kid I got bullied a lot.
    1) smart
    2) red-head
    3) nerd

    I got beat up once. Then i taught myself "playground tactics" and it never happened again.
    Playground tactics is basically run from groups of bullies, and hit-and-run the ones you can't run from normally. Lots of running.

    As a young man, I changed my mindset and said "no more running." Of course I can run, (yay for track!) and could run, but until there is an incentive to leave people alone (front two-knuckle to the nose...) bullies will continue to exert their wrath.
    Fortunately, the darkest of darkness is not as terrible as we fear.
    Unfortunately, the lightest of light, all things good, are not so wonderful as we hope for them to be.
    What, then, is left, but various shades of grey neutrality? Where are the heroes and villains? All I see are people.

  11. #11
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    Re: Bullying: Guys or Girls, whose got it worse?

    Pibs: Body image is important to both genders and the tweenies as well. It is said that first impressions count, and first impressions are usually visual.

    From reading your posts, I feel your gender awareness is sadly monofocussed/ blinkered and lacking in social and cultural reality. Your perceptions largely match those of an Islamic aquaintence of mine who once explained to me why Islamic women are shrouded in everything from long shapeless dresses and head scarves to full blown burkas. His explanation was that men were 'weak' and women needed 'protecting' from male predation. I pointed out that if men were the problem, that it would be fairer and more ethical if women locked up men in chastity belts instead of patriarchal supremacy subjugating women to the ordeals and second class status of the burka etc. in temperatures that may exceed 120f. I also pointed out that hadn't the Islamic world heard of 'self control'? Yes, I do agree that permissive licence has taken things somewhat too far in the west, at some stage this is likely to be addressed - but better that than outright gender tyranny and the brain washing and pidgeon holing of women and their role in society.

    With regard to bullying, it takes on many guises and both genders are fully capable of engaging in the activity, given the opportunity. As men are usually physically stronger than women, women have developed a more subtle and sophisticated way of bullying - by using verbal communication involving language techniques and tactics, and intonation. In the case of women with women, physical bullying can also emerge. There are few men who are brave enough to go toe to toe in verbal fisticuffs with a woman, it usually ends up with him hitting her or his backing off, either way the woman retains some sort of 'moral or power' supremacy.
    Last edited by FruitandNut; September 20th, 2004 at 02:52 AM.
    "We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." - Anais Nin.
    Emitte lucem et veritatem - Send out light and truth.
    'Fere libenter homines id quod volunt credunt' - Julius Caesar (rough translation, 'Men will think what they want to think')
    Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream? - Homer Simpson.

  12. #12
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    Re: Bullying: Guys or Girls, whose got it worse?

    Quite bizarre.

    First you seem to presume my masculist view are because I'm a Muslim. Wrong. I was a masculist before I became a Muslim.

    Then you admit I'm right: "either way the woman retains some sort of 'moral or power' supremacy."

    Yep. That was one of my points.

    So even when I'm right, I'm wrong because I'm a Muslim?

    Thanks for sharing.



    P.

  13. #13
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    Re: Bullying: Guys or Girls, whose got it worse?

    Pibs: I did not assume that your views on gender roles were solely the responsibility of Islam, I am aware that there are misogynists of other faiths and none. I was merely using an area of thought from people you would empathise most with.

    I don't quite grasp fully your 'flighty' train of thought.

    The reason for men usually approaching women with a view to some sort of relationship, is traditional and defined by patriarchal values. It was seen as a woman's place to be domestic, at home, demure and compliant to her husband's wishes. Prior to that she was in effect the property of her father, brothers and whoever, or whatever the local 'chief' was. This was the same in most cultures. Few men took much notice of the woman's feelings, wishes, emotional needs or aspirations. Women had to keep such things internalised or face ridicule, isolation, persecution or worse - they had to be compliant. If women approached men, they were seen as loose harlots. If men approach women, whether through male members of the woman's family, or directly (according to culture), that is OK. In a court of law a man's testimony took presidence over a man's - this is still the case with 'Sharir' law. Hardly a good example of a 'level playing field'.

    Are you inferring by one of your comments, that if a boy approaches a girl, she should say yes, just out of some sort of consideration for him? It is after all HER BODY, if she gave it to someone she did not bond emotionally to, she is likely to feel cheap, used, and not the possessor of her own physical being. Remember in 'our' western society the woman can be 'at risk' of rejection as well. With arranged marriages it is often a glorified selling of women for power, prestige or money, on the part of her father and/or brothers anyway.

    Is it a sick, sick world just because we males are not able to always treat women as our darker sides might wish?

    The general ethos of 'droit de signeur' and 'premier nocte' was questioned even back in mediaval days. Would you like 'chastity belts', the 'bride's scold' and the 'ducking stool' to be brought back?
    Last edited by FruitandNut; September 20th, 2004 at 06:46 AM.
    "We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." - Anais Nin.
    Emitte lucem et veritatem - Send out light and truth.
    'Fere libenter homines id quod volunt credunt' - Julius Caesar (rough translation, 'Men will think what they want to think')
    Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream? - Homer Simpson.

  14. #14
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    Re: Bullying: Guys or Girls, whose got it worse?

    Where I grew up, fighting was part and parcel of living (surviving) there. I quickly learned to fight and developed a thick skin. Mostr kids there did. There were those unfortunate few that got bullied regularly until they would move someplace else.

    Of course I realize how different life is outside places like the city I grew up. When I moved in with my mother I went to an all-white "farm" school. There, there was only minor bullying. Which since I was assertive AND agressive I found easy to brush off. Of course there was the occasional after school push and shove sort of fights but the girls in the school were viscious.

    With the girls, it was all about popularity. There were cliques that besides lashing out at the fat girls with glasses, fought in an insidious back stabbing sort of way. Now and then "wars" would erupt when so and so found out that the girl who was her best friend told so and so that the other girl slept with so and so's boyfriend. (which was usually true) Then there would be a flurry of names vollyed back and forth that would be followed with the two or three girls talking about the others behind their backs. Rarely at that school did girls fight. I didn't fit in at that school, (that is an understatement) so I was soon avoided by most. It gave me the unique angle of observing what everyone was up to. Drugs had not found this school yet.

    The guys had their special peer group, and they occasionaly would get into some of those push-shoves. But they would never talk about each other behind their backs. For the girls there, there was an everfloying spring of note-passing and nose in the air snubbery. Heck, the school I had just left the girls often fought. That was because instead instead of talking behind another's back they would usually confront (in a loud way) each other . The ensuing trash talk there was done out in the open.
    I wasn't affected by the farmer's school, I just stayed until I turned 16 and then quit. It would be imposible for me to say what affected me and what didn't and in what ways. I think it is not a matter of gender though. I believe it involves the individual, male or female. I've seen an older lady throw a horse and it's rider out of her crowded bar one night. (those were fun days).

    No way to know. ...........................:O)
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  15. #15
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    Re: Bullying: Guys or Girls, whose got it worse?

    Cyber: There is, 'THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY', in both genders (and the tweenies) and in all walks of life - and this means bullies also. I take it that the older woman chucking the 'cowboy' complete with hoss, was as a result of his unruly behaviour and not of her being a bully.
    "We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." - Anais Nin.
    Emitte lucem et veritatem - Send out light and truth.
    'Fere libenter homines id quod volunt credunt' - Julius Caesar (rough translation, 'Men will think what they want to think')
    Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream? - Homer Simpson.

  16. #16
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    Re: Bullying: Guys or Girls, whose got it worse?

    [QUOTE=FruitandNut]
    The reason for men usually approaching women with a view to some sort of relationship, is traditional and defined by patriarchal values. It was seen as a woman's place to be domestic, at home, demure and compliant to her husband's wishes.
    From arguing and reading what Pibs has stated over on DF.net, I believe I can safely detail his objection to this statement. If I am innacurate, I'm sure he'll correct me.

    It is the case that women in our modern culture don't have to ascribe to the stereotype you listed, but do so when it is beneficial to them. Consider the woman who scowls at you for holding the door for her, but then asks for your help lifting something too heavy for her. Take that concept and apply it on a societal level and you'll start to understand Pibs' "flighty" position.

  17. #17
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    Re: Bullying: Guys or Girls, whose got it worse?

    Zhavric: I hear and empathise with what you say, I have opened a door to allow a lady through first, and offered my seat on a bus - only to be scowled at in both cases and in one case additionally told I was an old fashioned male Chauvanist pig.

    Perhaps that is just the price present generations of males must bear while the patriarchal unfairness and excesses of the past get addressed. I just felt I was being polite and respectful, the women thought I was being patronising.

    There is some similar psychology to some of the mess going on between the west and the Coalition forces in Iraq and some of the opposition.
    "We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." - Anais Nin.
    Emitte lucem et veritatem - Send out light and truth.
    'Fere libenter homines id quod volunt credunt' - Julius Caesar (rough translation, 'Men will think what they want to think')
    Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream? - Homer Simpson.

  18. #18
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    Re: Bullying: Guys or Girls, whose got it worse?

    I take it that the older woman chucking the 'cowboy' complete with hoss, was as a result of his unruly behaviour and not of her being a bully.
    That was really my point. Of course she was no bully. I'm saying she was a 90 pound old lady with enough nerve to do as she did. I did so simply to illustrate my position that being tough, be it physically or emotional is not so much about gender as much as the individual...........:O)
    When the power of love becomes stronger than the love of power, there will be peace..........jimi hendrix.

  19. #19
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    Re: Bullying: Guys or Girls, whose got it worse?

    Quote Originally Posted by Pibs
    Quite bizarre.

    First you seem to presume my masculist view are because I'm a Muslim. Wrong. I was a masculist before I became a Muslim.

    Then you admit I'm right: "either way the woman retains some sort of 'moral or power' supremacy."

    Yep. That was one of my points.

    So even when I'm right, I'm wrong because I'm a Muslim?

    Thanks for sharing.



    P.
    Talk about jumping to conclusions. He said that he had a Muslim friend with similar views. He never said you thought that way because you're a Muslim.

  20. #20
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    Re: Bullying: Guys or Girls, whose got it worse?

    Someone round here has a really funky sig line, summat about not attempting to rationalise with the unrational.

    it came to mind when I read about 'patriarchal values'.

    Rightio.

    If you ever come across any of the little demure creatures you describe, lemme know, I could sell them as pets.






    P.

 

 
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