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  1. #1
    Okimorix
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    why are wives so unreasonable?

    2 weeks ago, me and my wife went to my parent's house for dinner. After we finished dinner I said "mum you are the best cooker". My wife wouldnt cook since then.
    Is telling my own mother the best cooker that guilty???

  2. #2
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    Re: why are wives so unreasonable?

    Short answer Women don't use "reason" that is why they are "unreasonable". ODN women are the exception my friend.

    Quote Originally Posted by OXIMORIX
    Is telling my own mother the best cooker that guilty
    Yes, now go apologize so you can eat again.


    P.S. how long have you been married?
    I apologize to anyone waiting on a response from me. I am experiencing a time warp, suddenly their are not enough hours in a day. As soon as I find a replacement part to my flux capacitor regulator, time should resume it's normal flow.

  3. #3
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    Re: why are wives so unreasonable?

    Quote Originally Posted by Okimorix View Post
    2 weeks ago, me and my wife went to my parent's house for dinner. After we finished dinner I said "mum you are the best cooker". My wife wouldnt cook since then.
    Is telling my own mother the best cooker that guilty???
    Have you ever said that to your wife (that she is a good/great cook)? Have you criticized her cooking or compared it to your mom's?

    ---------- Post added at 11:59 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:58 PM ----------

    Odd that your profile says you are female . . .
    Ah, well - apparently my kids were too distracting to stay as a sig. I take that as a compliment

  4. #4
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    Re: why are wives so unreasonable?

    Quote Originally Posted by Okimorix View Post
    2 weeks ago, me and my wife went to my parent's house for dinner. After we finished dinner I said "mum you are the best cooker". My wife wouldnt cook since then.
    Is telling my own mother the best cooker that guilty???
    It's difficult to say for sure whether you're "guilty" of any particular wrongdoing without knowing more of the context. Certainly, paying a compliment to your mother after an excellent meal is not wrong by any reasonable standard. However, if you are paying great compliments to your mother and totally neglecting to give praise to your wife when she cooks for you, perhaps that's something you should think about changing.

    In my experience, when a person takes offense at seeing another person receive praise for something they also do, it's because the offended person feels threatened or insecure because of what they perceive as a threat to their status. Maybe your wife is really proud of how she cooks, but she's not sure you like it, so hearing you praise another woman's cooking is hurtful because it makes her doubt her ability to please the man she loves.

    Do you like your wife's cooking?
    -=[Talthas]=-
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  5. #5
    ODN Community Regular

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    Re: why are wives so unreasonable?

    Moved to the Shootin' the Breeze forum.

  6. #6
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    Re: why are wives so unreasonable?

    Lol!!!!

    Okay, if I was your wife, I will simply enjoy the fact that you love your mother's cooking more than mine and I will actually admit that mine is properly worse, because that is the truth. In fact, most people make better food than me. haha

    Okiorix, maybe your wife just feel unappreciated. Maybe you didn't give her any compliments recently. If she isn't good in cooking, make sure to at least compliment her on something she is good at...like making you happy etc.

    Don't think all wifes are unreasonable though. I am probably one of the most reasonable women on earth and I don't get upset without a very good reason. And if I do get upset, I make sure to communicate that to my partner. Communication is key. Go and talk to your wife and tell her you would like to make her happy and to do that she needs to communicate her desires and her needs to you in an open manner. Biting her tongue and be silent and let you go hunger is not exactly the best way of approaching her problem.
    >>]Aspoestertjie[<<

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  7. #7
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    Re: why are wives so unreasonable?

    As Aspoestertjie says, "Communication is key", but first we need to learn eachother's 'language' - women tend to 'talk' Venusian [Venus], and we fellas Martian [Mars]!
    "We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." - Anais Nin.
    Emitte lucem et veritatem - Send out light and truth.
    'Fere libenter homines id quod volunt credunt' - Julius Caesar (rough translation, 'Men will think what they want to think')
    Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream? - Homer Simpson.

  8. #8
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    Re: why are wives so unreasonable?

    Quote Originally Posted by FruitandNut View Post
    As Aspoestertjie says, "Communication is key", but first we need to learn eachother's 'language' - women tend to 'talk' Venusian [Venus], and we fellas Martian [Mars]!
    Heheheheh but I like to talk foreign!
    >>]Aspoestertjie[<<

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  9. #9
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    Re: why are wives so unreasonable?

    Quote Originally Posted by ASPO
    Heheheheh but I like to talk foreign!
    O, we like it when you talk foreign. We just don't like suffering the consequences of not understanding it.
    I apologize to anyone waiting on a response from me. I am experiencing a time warp, suddenly their are not enough hours in a day. As soon as I find a replacement part to my flux capacitor regulator, time should resume it's normal flow.

  10. #10
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    Re: why are wives so unreasonable?

    Quote Originally Posted by Okimorix View Post
    2 weeks ago, me and my wife went to my parent's house for dinner. After we finished dinner I said "mum you are the best cooker". My wife wouldnt cook since then.
    Is telling my own mother the best cooker that guilty???
    Women are strange. I do not know what kind of relationship your wife has with your mom, but you have to realize that your mom probably had a hard time letting you go, and your wife probably feels slightly intimidated by your mom.

    I have been with the same woman for 15 years, and married to her for 12. I have learned, more often than not, that when she says something to me, I am not supposed to look at just the obvious meaning of the statement, but carefully analyze it for any number of hidden meanings.

    One time I remember her saying to me:

    "Honey, you must have really worked hard today!"
    I quickly realized what she was really saying was:

    "You stink. Go take a shower. Use soap!"
    Another time, she told me:

    "We're out of toilet paper in our bathroom."
    As a guy, I am thinking she is giving me useful information so that I can grab a box of tissues, or some paper towels if I need to go, but that's not how she meant. What she really meant was:

    "Please go and see if we have any more in the garage, or go to the store and buy more."
    You see, women say things, but they usually mean more than they say, and they expect that everyone else does this too, so it is entirely possible that when you said:

    "mum you are the best cooker".
    What your wife heard was:

    Mum, I love your cooking more than my wife's.
    Or even worse:

    "Mum I still love you more than her."
    Either way, you should take the initiative and apologize immediately, (sooner if possible). I recommend flowers and a card. Tell her you love her and will never compare her to your mom ever again.

  11. #11
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    Re: why are wives so unreasonable?

    @ Tanstaaf - women are not strange, we just think men should be able to understand our needs and desires without us really saying it out loud.
    >>]Aspoestertjie[<<

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  12. #12
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    Re: why are wives so unreasonable?

    Quote Originally Posted by Aspoestertjie View Post
    @ Tanstaaf - women are not strange, we just think men should be able to understand our needs and desires without us really saying it out loud.
    Aspoestertjie, I agree. Women tend to assume that men know what they want and need without having directly told them. Most men are perfectly willing to do what they can, but they are expecting that a woman will tell them directly what they want/need. So the whole thing could be solved if women would just stop assuming we know what they mean without telling us.


  13. #13
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    Re: why are wives so unreasonable?

    Quote Originally Posted by tanstaafl28 View Post
    Aspoestertjie, I agree. Women tend to assume that men know what they want and need without having directly told them. Most men are perfectly willing to do what they can, but they are expecting that a woman will tell them directly what they want/need. So the whole thing could be solved if women would just stop assuming we know what they mean without telling us.

    I don't think it is too much to ask, especially if someone really knows you for very long. Women tend to know what their partners want and need and I know I will provide it even without my partner asking for it. You are confusing things here.

    Fact is, if you really love someone, you will make a point of knowing that person's desires of how what and where. You will be able to pick up a problem or disagreement so much easier if you are in tune with your partner. If you are not, then differences will take its toll. I will admit that you get many women that really think their partners should read their minds. That will be unreasonable. All the examples you gave are elimentary things of any relationship. It doesn't take rocket science to know women like their men to smell good, or that they appreciate some support around the house. Women generally don't like to ask for support, we just like to receive it without asking for it. For us it should be obvious that support is needed and we do not want to ask for the obvious.

    What will be wrong of women, is to assume that men know how they 'feel' when it comes to things that bothers us. That is unreasonable IMHO. You can't expect your partner or husband to KNOW how you feel about everything he said or did if you don't COMMUNICATE that to him.

    What I expect is pretty clear. I will expect my partner to help me around the house and replace the toilet paper if he used the last roll in the bathroom. I expect him to take out the trash and line the bin out with a new plastic bag. I expect those things and don't feel that it should be necessary for me to communicate that to him since it is obvious that I need that kind of support.

    I will however not expect him to KNOW how it made me feel when he complimented his mother's cooking and neglected my efforts all together. That is a matter that needs to be communicated and if you find yourself not able to communicate your feelings to your partner, I think there is trouble in paradise.
    >>]Aspoestertjie[<<

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  14. #14
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    Re: why are wives so unreasonable?

    Quote Originally Posted by Aspoestertjie View Post
    I don't think it is too much to ask, especially if someone really knows you for very long. Women tend to know what their partners want and need and I know I will provide it even without my partner asking for it. You are confusing things here.

    Fact is, if you really love someone, you will make a point of knowing that person's desires of how what and where. You will be able to pick up a problem or disagreement so much easier if you are in tune with your partner. If you are not, then differences will take its toll. I will admit that you get many women that really think their partners should read their minds. That will be unreasonable. All the examples you gave are elimentary things of any relationship. It doesn't take rocket science to know women like their men to smell good, or that they appreciate some support around the house. Women generally don't like to ask for support, we just like to receive it without asking for it. For us it should be obvious that support is needed and we do not want to ask for the obvious.

    What will be wrong of women, is to assume that men know how they 'feel' when it comes to things that bothers us. That is unreasonable IMHO. You can't expect your partner or husband to KNOW how you feel about everything he said or did if you don't COMMUNICATE that to him.

    What I expect is pretty clear. I will expect my partner to help me around the house and replace the toilet paper if he used the last roll in the bathroom. I expect him to take out the trash and line the bin out with a new plastic bag. I expect those things and don't feel that it should be necessary for me to communicate that to him since it is obvious that I need that kind of support.

    I will however not expect him to KNOW how it made me feel when he complimented his mother's cooking and neglected my efforts all together. That is a matter that needs to be communicated and if you find yourself not able to communicate your feelings to your partner, I think there is trouble in paradise.
    Aspoesterjie, I have been married for 12 years. I have been being a little "tongue-in-cheek" with this thread, I am trying to explain it to someone who may not have spent as much time married as I have. I tried to make it a little bit humorous because that may make it easier come to terms with.

    I got married having no clue what I was getting myself into. It took me a good 6 years just to get a handle on the basics. Since then we have been growing together quite nicely.
    As it is, my wife is out of town this week, and I feel totally "out of synch," like somehow, my rhythm is off. I just talked to her on the phone. I feel like a part of me is not here. My best friend is on another coast.

  15. #15
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    Re: why are wives so unreasonable?

    Quote Originally Posted by tanstaafl28 View Post
    Aspoesterjie, I have been married for 12 years. I have been being a little "tongue-in-cheek" with this thread, I am trying to explain it to someone who may not have spent as much time married as I have. I tried to make it a little bit humorous because that may make it easier come to terms with.

    I got married having no clue what I was getting myself into. It took me a good 6 years just to get a handle on the basics. Since then we have been growing together quite nicely.
    As it is, my wife is out of town this week, and I feel totally "out of synch," like somehow, my rhythm is off. I just talked to her on the phone. I feel like a part of me is not here. My best friend is on another coast.
    Aww sweet!

    Glad you feel like that when your wife is gone.
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    Re: why are wives so unreasonable?

    Quote Originally Posted by Aspoestertjie View Post
    Aww sweet!

    Glad you feel like that when your wife is gone.
    She just got back this evening and I have to work before I get to see her! :-(

  17. #17
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    Re: why are wives so unreasonable?

    Quote Originally Posted by tanstaafl28 View Post
    She just got back this evening and I have to work before I get to see her! :-(
    Are you going to buy her some flowers? You should spoil her...
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  18. #18
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    Re: why are wives so unreasonable?

    Quote Originally Posted by Aspoestertjie View Post
    Are you going to buy her some flowers? You should spoil her...
    I cleaned up the house before I left for work. I also made the bed, laid out a towel, washcloth, sleepwear, and left her a passonate love note.

    She called me and told me how much she appreciated it.

  19. #19
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    Re: why are wives so unreasonable?

    This is no joke. My friend skipped out on a trip with me because he wanted to spend time with his new girl friend. He said he asked her this question:

    "I am going to the lake with John."

    "Fine, go ahead and go. I don't care."

    "Is that an I don't care or an 'I don't care' ".

    "Its an 'I don't care' ".

    I said, cool man have fun. So I went solo and got some work done. I drove her somewhere one night and she was telling me the story, in which she replaced the whole "I don't care" section with "well you can go but I really want to spend time with you."

    Mind you, she really did say "I don't care" not "I want to spend time with you".

    Women literally say and think two different things. I'm not mad translates to "I am so mad at what you've done, said, in the past, or just now and you are going to feel it for weeks". I'm fine translates to "I have a problem and I want a solution, but I want to play a game for 15 minutes before we actually get to the problem and you gotta be sensitive about how you present it."

    My solution will probably end in something that would be hilarious... for me or people as crazy as me but will result in divorce.

    Go say sorry, my mother is an awful cook, and you're 100 times better than she is at everything. Women like to be lied to... just don't let them know you're lying.

    But I love my mama... and if a girl got all uppity about me loving my mama's cooking... I'd call her coo-coo crazy...

    Disclaimer: I cannot be held accountable if following my advice results in a divorce, long nights on the couch, or a sex strike. I am a single male who enjoys being single for the time being because it's easy.

    My own fun story. I dated a girl who got mad when I would call her at 3am after working all day and night to say goodnight, but not stay up to talk to her. She'd also get mad that I wouldn't skip work to come see her; yet she wouldn't skip softball to see me. One night I turned off my phone and played video game's all night because I didn't feel like arguing with her. She gave me the cold shoulder for a month. Best night of my life, and I'd do it all over again.

    Moral of the story: I am an ass hat who wont compromise. Maybe all men should be issued index cards with things their wives want to hear so we know what to say and when to say it.

    "I totally sympathize with *insert Sex and The City character here* and her struggle to be a working woman in a mans world. Men are evil and will hurt you."

    "I would love nothing more than to take a trip to pottery barn with you."

    "Video games are so childish."

    Patent pending on this index cards.
    Witty puns...

  20. #20
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    Re: why are wives so unreasonable?

    I had that same basic attitude when I was younger (and single) John.

    If and when you ever find yourself in a long-term committed monogamous relationship, you will likely mellow your "asshatishness" a bit.

 

 
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