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  1. #1
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    If Noah lived today

    And we thought we had problems! If Noah had lived in the United States in the last ten years, the story may have gone something like this:

    And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, “In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark.” In fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the ark. “Remember,” said the Lord, “you must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year.”

    Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard weeping. “Noah!” He shouted. “Where is the Ark?” “Lord, please forgive me,” cried Noah. “I did my best, but there were big problems.”

    “First, I had to get a permit for construction, and your plans did not meet the building codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a sprinkler system and approved floatation devices. Then, my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.”

    “Then, I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I really needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won’t let me take the 2 owls. The carpenters formed a union and went on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now, I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls.”

    “When I started rounding up the other animals, an animal rights group sued me. They objected to me taking only two of each kind aboard. This suit is pending. Meanwhile, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn’t take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the Universe. Then, the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed flood plain. I sent them a globe.”

    “Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking atheists aboard. The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I’m building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the state that I owe them some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a ‘recreational water craft.’ And finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it’s a religious event and therefore unconstitutional. I really don’t think I can finish the Ark for another five or six years.”

    Noah waited.

    The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine, and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully, “You mean you’re not going to destroy the earth, Lord?”

    “No,” He said sadly. “I don’t have to. The government already has.”

    - Author Unknown -

    http://hiseternalword.wordpress.com/...-21st-century/
    The brutal, soul-shaking truth is that we are so earthly minded we are of no heavenly use.
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  3. #2
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    Re: If Noah lived today

    God should have asked the atheists to do it. They would have done a better job:

    1. Ensure that all other humans and countries are forewarned so that they can preserve their peoples too.
    2. Collect together the DNA of all the animals.
    3. Grab the seed banks.
    4. Perhaps figure out some kind of floating city.

    Who knows but it's a shame that your Noah would take the longest and most circuitous route to do this. Also, a shame that protecting our animals and their habitats, building safe structures (i.e. not a wooden ark), and being non-discriminatory is considered a bad thing.

  4. #3
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    Re: If Noah lived today

    "The carpenters formed a union and went on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer."

    That's not how it works. After they voted to form a union they would have negotiated their first contract with you.
    "Real Boys Kiss Boys" -M.L.

  5. #4
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    Re: If Noah lived today

    Very funny....and sadly, likely quite accurate. If there ever is a flood again, it probably would be the best thing for the earth and mankind.
    I will no longer be replying to any post from a Liberal going forward. I will continue, as normal, to discuss topics and engage in intellectual exchanges with non-leftist

  6. #5
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    Re: If Noah lived today

    I am locking this thread temporarily to sort out the comments made here. This conversation is not to be simply taken to another thread. If it is referenced in another thread or continued somewhere else I will ban that person for 30 days.
    "Suffering lies not with inequality, but with dependence." -Voltaire
    "Fallacies do not cease to be fallacies because they become fashions.” -G.K. Chesterton
    Also, if you think I've overlooked your post please shoot me a PM, I'm not intentionally ignoring you.


  7. #6
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    Re: If Noah lived today

    Quote Originally Posted by theophilus View Post
    “No,” He said sadly. “I don’t have to. The government already has.”
    Cute story, but I'm not sure an omnipresent all/knowing God would have that approach.

    It would seem to me, that in a free society the people, not the government would be responsible for such a destruction. A government is only as wise or ignorant, only as responsible or irresponsible as the pool of people it is made from.

    It becomes so easy to blame the ills of society on a government (some large body 'out there' outside of our control) in a free society. I guess it somehow relieves us of emotional and mental stress that we don't know how or don't want to deal with.

    If a government is destroying the earth, then the people who it governs are stupid/ignorant/irresponsible enough to let that happen.
    "The universe is immaterial-mental and spiritual.” --"The Mental Universe” | Nature
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  9. #7
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    Re: If Noah lived today

    Quote Originally Posted by eye4magic View Post
    Cute story, but I'm not sure an omnipresent all/knowing God would have that approach.
    That's not God's approach though - to let us decide for ourselves how we should be governed for good or ill. His approach is to mass kill humans! I know which I would prefer.

  10. #8
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    Re: If Noah lived today

    Quote Originally Posted by JimJones8934 View Post
    That's not God's approach though - to let us decide for ourselves how we should be governed for good or ill. His approach is to mass kill humans! I know which I would prefer.
    What other things does God do incorrectly? Perhaps you could give Him some wisdom and make Him a better God?

    ---------- Post added at 02:25 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:59 PM ----------

    Oh, here's an idea.

    Let's create a "God council" consisting, naturally, of Liberals only (being that they are the moral authority for the planet and have an infinite amount of wisdom in all matters) in order to advise God in His affairs and pass laws restricting what He can and cannot do. Then, we can change these laws as the political wind swifts and if God doesn't abide by the rules of the God council, we can issue a warrant for His arrest and put Him in front of a Liberal judge to prosecute Him for crimes against humanity.

    That should fix everything.
    I will no longer be replying to any post from a Liberal going forward. I will continue, as normal, to discuss topics and engage in intellectual exchanges with non-leftist

  11. #9
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    Re: If Noah lived today

    BTW: Cute story/joke. Though honestly if it were today it wouldn't just be Noah that survives it. One of the reasons more humans survive disasters these days are some of those pesky government regulations like fire codes and earthquake codes.

    Quote Originally Posted by Someguy View Post
    That should fix everything.
    Doesn't fix anything since arresting intangible beings doesn't actually accomplish anything.

    But in truth we make judgement about god all the time. Every person who ever decides what religion means or what god wants is themselves judging what the character of god is and thus how he should be and then acting as if they were correct.

    Indeed pretty much everything anyone decides to do is their own decision and thus all human activities are our own responsibility. God really has no actual say in the matter beyond what people think he would say and that too comes from themselves since god himself doesn't really speak in any formal sense.

    The god council is us already, that is the current state of the world. And its not just liberals, it's everyone. And the more religious you are, the more you are in fact telling god what he is because your religion defines him/her/them.

    The only thing we really can't change are the laws of nature. Those we simply discover.
    Feed me some debate pellets!

  12. #10
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    Re: If Noah lived today

    Quote Originally Posted by Someguy View Post
    What other things does God do incorrectly? Perhaps you could give Him some wisdom and make Him a better God?

    ---------- Post added at 02:25 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:59 PM ----------

    Oh, here's an idea.

    Let's create a "God council" consisting, naturally, of Liberals only (being that they are the moral authority for the planet and have an infinite amount of wisdom in all matters) in order to advise God in His affairs and pass laws restricting what He can and cannot do. Then, we can change these laws as the political wind swifts and if God doesn't abide by the rules of the God council, we can issue a warrant for His arrest and put Him in front of a Liberal judge to prosecute Him for crimes against humanity.

    That should fix everything.
    It's always hilarious that those lauding Freedom & Liberty actually have the least. Carry on believing in mythical beings if it pleases you.

  13. #11
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    Re: If Noah lived today

    Quote Originally Posted by JimJones8934 View Post
    It's always hilarious that those lauding Freedom & Liberty actually have the least. Carry on believing in mythical beings if it pleases you.
    It's always hilarious that those claiming to be Liberal actually think that their party represents liberty and freedom on any level.
    I will no longer be replying to any post from a Liberal going forward. I will continue, as normal, to discuss topics and engage in intellectual exchanges with non-leftist

  14. #12
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    Re: If Noah lived today

    Quote Originally Posted by JimJones8934 View Post
    That's not God's approach though - to let us decide for ourselves how we should be governed for good or ill.
    It looks like we're given that opportunity. And it also looks like the opportunity to govern ourselves and self-correct along the way is not endless, which would make sense. If something becomes so decayed serving only a self-centered, ego-centered existence, with no self correction after thousands of years of conscious evolution, recycling it is probably the mercy of the law.
    "The universe is immaterial-mental and spiritual.” --"The Mental Universe” | Nature
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  16. #13
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    Re: If Noah lived today

    Get a room gentlemen all that love making is unseemly here.
    Feed me some debate pellets!

 

 

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