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Thread: Lexophiles

  1. #1
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    Join Date
    Aug 2010
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    Lexophile describes those that have a love for words, such as ďyou can tune a piano, but you canít tuna fish,Ē or ďTo write with a broken pencil is pointlessĒ An annual competition is held by the New York Times to see who can create the best original lexophile.

    This yearís winning submission is posted at the very end.

    No matter how much you push the envelope, itíll still be stationery.

    If you donít pay your exorcist, you can get repossessed.

    Iím reading a book about anti-gravity. I just canít put it down.

    I didnít like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

    Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldnít control her pupils?

    When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

    When chemists die, they barium.

    I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

    I changed my iPodís name to Titanic. Itís syncing now.

    England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

    Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

    This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but Iíd swear Iíve never met herbivore.

    I know a guy whoís addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

    A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months .

    When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

    I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.

    A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail .

    A will is a dead giveaway.

    With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

    Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

    Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? Heís all right now.

    A bicycle canít stand alone; itís just two tired.

    The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.

    He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.

    When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought sheíd dye.

    Acupuncture is a jab well done. Thatís the point of it.

    Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.
    The brutal, soul-shaking truth is that we are so earthly minded we are of no heavenly use.
    Leonard Ravenhill


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